Friday, February 22, 2013


Every once in awhile I get into this place. A place where I feel like I sink into the grey, dull winter abyss. It has snowed here for I can't even remember how long now. The sun peaks through the window sill every few weeks... for a few minutes.

Then, when one thing brings you down, it seems like the world is collapsing on your shoulders. Being far away from family. When your only living grandparent is admitted to the hospital again for heart problems, and it feels like your heart is breaking along with hers because you can't be at her side to comfort her and all you want is just to make her happy. All the both of you want is for her to be her old self again. To be able to get out and enjoy life. In her words "to do the thing I just want to do so bad". 

Having a biopsy done of just one more mole. I have had so many removed that I have lost count. Every time I do it takes me back to 9 years ago when I was 17 years old and got a call that I would need to go to the cancer center an hour and a half away to see a melanoma specialist. Praise be to God for all that He did in keeping that situation in His hands and for blessing me with only a minor surgery and not everything the first doctor told me would happen. Praying now for Him to be in control of this biopsy. Having stitches in your foot is not fun though... let me tell ya that! 

 and you can't get the stitches wet... so you have to wrap your foot in a penguin ziploc bag and tape it up just to shower. 

To only having one night off in a long stretch of nights at work. Especially on a weekend when every one has plans and is asking you to do fun things that you really want to do... 

I hate these times. When I get down and feel defeated and don't allow my Joy to come from where it should be coming from and enjoying every day like it's my last. 

Sorry for the down and out blues... 

Thankful for a pup that sleeps on your head and keeps you warm when you feel bummed.... and haven't had much sleep. 

and looks like she wants to kill you after a day at the groomer and a stupid but super adorable bow in her hair... 

here's to wilting roses and some fresh coffee to get me through the day and night ahead of me at work... 

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